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If you are single, there is one thing you should take with you on a Saturday night:
your friends.
Why are we walking so fast?
Are we in that big of a hurry?
- Don't you guys want to go? - I did until I saw this invitation.
Let me see that.
"Two souls, one thought". That is sappy, totally not like Danny.
Must have been her idea. "Two souls, one pushy fiancée".
It's beautiful! A big romantic gesture to express how they feel.
If two people have only one thought, something is very wrong. Cab.
I remember Danny having more than one thought.
- They all involved going up my ass. - You had sex with Danny?
He's cute, straight, and we've known him for ten years. Haven't we all?
- That weekend I was bored. - Just a New Year's Eve kiss.
- I showed him a boob in a checkroom. - Just one?
I sensed he couldn't commit. We're over here.
Baby lamb chops! This is quite a spread.
Two souls, one big budget.
There he was, the fiancé du jour.
- Look who's here! - Congratulations!
- Thanks. My other half, Hailey. - Congratulations!
- Hailey, this is Carrie and Charlotte. - Miranda.
Right! Sorry, I'm just a little overwhelmed.
- Couldn't remember my name? - You should've shown him both boobs.
Across the room from the two-soul couple...
I wanted a Grey Goose on the rocks a fucking hour ago. Chop chop!
...a man with no soul.
Phil, what is it that you do?
I'm a TV agent and I fucking love it.
What a beautiful wedding ring. Where's your husband?
He's not here.
We're taking some time apart.
We're separated, not legally. Nothing legal! God, no!
We're just taking some time to figure things out.
We got married really fast. Love at first sight, didn't think it through.
So now we're talking and trying to figure out what he...
What we, he and l, really want.
We love each other so much,
but that doesn't mean a marriage is working, does it?
We had some problems in the bedroom,
but it was more about the fact that we got married so fast.
So we're trying to figure things out, nothing physical.
It's better if we just talk.
So we are talking till we figure it out. So no, he's not here.
OK. I have to...
Don't talk to her.
Charlotte realised that she and Trey were two souls with too many thoughts.
The minute we met, I knew we were meant to be together.
- I could stop looking. I had found him! - Congratulations!
- What about you guys? - I'm not dating anyone.
And you, Miranda? Seeing anyone special?
No, but I am seeing a whole bunch of unspecial guys.
It's a requirement to date me, "Special? Sorry, move along,
"but if you have unspecial friends, give them my number."
I'm serious! Do any of you have an unremarkable friend
or maybe a houseplant I can go to dinner with?
She's hilarious!
What was going on in there?
Your comedy routine should have a two-drink minimum.
We were in a group of married or engaged women.
- Just trying to avoid the pity party. - It was a cocktail party.
- We were the only single people. - We're the only single people anywhere.
You didn't see all those "Don't worry, you'll find someone" looks?
No, didn't see them.
Society views single people our age as sad and pathetic.
I don't need that, so I go on the offensive and make them laugh.
OK, Shecky.
Sometimes I think couples look at us and wish they had our lives.
No. We make them uncomfortable and they don't know what to say.
- You're sure you're not overreacting? - Yeah.
Coming!
God!
Yes!
What are we doing?
Charlotte. I thought it was the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
I cannot go to any more parties until I know what we're going to do!
- About what? - Us!
I've been up for hours trying to figure out if we should stay together.
I don't want to confuse you, so I made notes.
- You made notes? - It helps me to be clear.
One: sex life.
The sex we had on the floor of your apartment was quite good.
One time does not a marriage make.
Come inside. We can rack up a new score.
Two: you only want me when you can't have me.
Did you make a note that mentions how beautiful you look tonight?
We have some big decisions to make.
Trey!
- You have a boner! - You're so beautiful.
I can't discuss my notes if you have a boner!
- Come inside. - I can't. We're separated!
- I have more notes! - May I take off your panties?
- Don't. - All righty.
You didn't want to be married.
Now I don't know if I want to be married!
Trey, are you...?
That night, neither Charlotte nor Trey came inside.
I'm not quite sure what to say.
I'm sorry, Charlotte. May I get you a hankie?
It's too late for a hankie. This isn't working.
Whatever this is we're doing, it isn't working.
Please stop calling me. I'll call you when I figure out what I want.
Charlotte, I love you.
Send me the dry-cleaning bill?
Trey may have had a lot of flaws, but bad manners wasn't one of them.
It was a lovely, uneventful Saturday morning.
Three lattes, two newspapers and...
...one dating-service application.
"Dear single". You don't even have a name?
- I'm single, I don't deserve one. - That's a postal drive-by shooting.
I thought those 57 menus daily from Hunan Munan were annoying.
"Don't let your soul mate slip away."
It's almost a threat.
"We have him, but hurry because he's slipping... There he goes."
Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle.
I disagree. I believe there's one perfect person out there to complete you.
If you don't find him, you're incomplete? It's so dangerous!
There's only one out there? Why don't I shoot myself right now?
I like to think people have more than one soul mate.
- I've had hundreds. - You miss one, along comes another.
That is not how it works.
But you're saying you're not enough.
- Are you enough? - Today she's too much.
The bad thing about the perfect soul mate is that it's so unattainable.
You feel bad about yourself.
That makes the gap between the Holy Grail and the assholes even bigger.
I don't care. I believe in soul mates.
I thought Trey was mine,
but I don't think that a soul mate would...on your leg.
There's got to be that someone out there for me.
- Maybe I should keep looking. - Here you go.
- Let's fill this out. - I'm not in the mood.
- Not for you, for her. - No!
Yes! Age, check box:
20 to 25, 25 to 30, 30 to 34.
No, not after next week.
Birthday girl, 35.
- 35 to 44. - Honey, welcome to my box.
Soul mate. Two little words, one big concept.
A belief that someone, somewhere, is holding the key to your heart
and your dream house. All you have to do is find them.
So where is this person?
And if you love someone and it didn't work out,
does that mean they weren't your soul mate?
Were they just a runner-up in the game show "Happily Ever After"?
As you move from age box to age box
and the contestants get fewer and fewer,
are your chances of finding your soul mate less and less?
Soul mates: reality or torture device?
What about a birthday dinner? Il Cantinori, something nice.
I'm not sure I want to do anything I'm kind of into laying low.
- Laying low or feeling low? - No, I'm fine.
You've got to do better than that!
You've got to grab 35 by the balls and say, "Hey, world, I'm 35!"
I'll put the dinner together. You just show up.
Just close friends. Very fabulous light.
All right. That sounds fun. Thank you.
Should I invite Big?
Are you trying to kill me on the way to lunch?
Technically you are friends now, right?
A phone call here and there. Do you think I should invite him?
How should I know? When I'm done with them, I'm done with them.
Maybe not. I think he's in London. Let's keep it to low-maintenance friends.
- Welcome. Come in. - He is hot!
- He is a priest. - He is a hot priest!
Look at his robe. It's so Robin and his Merry Men.
You tell them, Friar Fuck!
OK, Sister. Let's go. I won't lose my table at Pastisse
- so you can cruise a holy man. - What street are we on?
That Sunday, Samantha went to church.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
I noticed all the good work you do in the neighbourhood
- and stopped to see if I could help. - We could use a hand in the kitchen.
I'm in public relations. I could put a benefit together,
something classy, respectful.
I can guarantee Donald Trump and Marlo Thomas.
Thank you, but we're a little more low-key.
We're more about collecting food to feed to the needy.
So...I love your robe.
This is what we wear.
I'm in the Franciscan Order, founded by St Francis. The robe is...
- Do you really want to hear about this? - Tell me more about this St Francis.
He lived his life based on the vows of poverty and chastity.
St Francis giving his coat to the poor.
Samantha Jones, public relations.
If you change your mind about the benefit...
...or anything.
And just like that, Samantha went from Mr No Soul
to Mr All Souls.
After church, most people go out for pancakes.
Samantha wasn't most people.
Your face is glowing. Did you get a facial or something?
- I masturbated all afternoon. - All right, then.
- Seriously? All afternoon? - Two, two and a half hours.
Who has the time? I like to get in and get out.
I enjoy a quickie too, but when it's good, I go with it.
I masturbated to my priest.
- Your priest? - Friar Fuck!
We might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.
You have a priest?
She wants him but she can't have him. It's all very "Thorn Birds".
He tears the food I'm carrying out of my arms,
rips open my dress, lays me down in the street and enters me.
What do you do for the next 140 minutes?
Stop! You're talking about a priest!
I can masturbate to whomever I like.
It's imagination. It's fun and perfectly healthy.
- Who do you all fantasise about? - Russell Crowe.
- Jinx! You owe me a Coke. - That's amazing.
What did women do before Russell Crowe?
George Clooney.
Clooney's like a Chanel suit. He'll always be in style.
I masturbated to a bus boy who was rude to me once. What does that mean?
Fine, the cheese stands alone.
Charlotte, get that judgmental puss off and join in.
- Who do you fantasise about? - No, it's private.
It can't be worse than a priest and a bus boy.
We're not moving on till you tell us about one of your masturbation guys.
It's not guys. Lately it's just one man.
- LL Bean? - No.
Trey.
And we have really perfect sex.
What do you think it means?
This is 459-1905. I'm not in, so please leave a message.
I think you're still in England, but l...
It's midnight here in New York and it's my birthday.
I am officially old.
So I felt the need to call someone...older.
Some friends are giving me a dinner tomorrow. Actually, it's tonight.
You're a friend, so if you are back in town,
it's going to be at ll Cantinori at 8.30.
And if you're still in London...
...then cheerio, old chap.
The next day, on Wall Street...
Sheila! Hi! How are you?
I'm fantastic! Joe and l just got back from New Orleans.
Are you seeing anyone special?
Miranda wasn't feeling very Shecky.
No, I'm not.
He's out there. You just haven't met him yet.
Maybe, maybe not. I don't know if I believe all that.
Maybe there isn't someone for everyone.
There it was: the truth. No Hallmark hope, no two-drink minimum.
How is Joe? You've been married for how many years now?
Five! I bet you're thinking, "Where are the kids?" I said to Joe,
"We can have kids or gorgeous fabric without chocolate stains."
Miranda realised it's not just about being single.
Everyone has a sore spot that needs a comedy routine.
And so Miranda laughed. Not because it was particularly funny,
but because it was kind.
They told me you were inside. Am I disturbing you?
May I join you?
I was thinking about you yesterday. You and the work that you do.
I was at the market.
They're LeSueur peas. They're the best.
That's very kind. Thank you.
I have a confession to make.
I think about you other places than the market.
Do you ever think about me?
I believe that God made the body and it's perfect in its splendour.
But I am not of my body.
My life is about other joys.
Samantha wondered if the hot monk was her soul mate
as he was certainly unattainable.
I arrived at my party after a day of shopping.
With no true soul mate,
I spent the day with my shoe-sole mate, Manolo Blahnik.
- Good evening, can I help you? - Bradshaw. Party of ten.
You're the first to arrive. Follow me, please.
It's 8:45. The reservation was for 8:30?
That's right. Here you go.
- Enjoy. - Thank you.
- Would you like a drink whilst you wait? - A Shirley Temple, please.
Once everyone's here, we'll be drinking lots of champagne.
Good. Great. Excellent.
20 minutes later, still no party.
Still alone. Did anyone call asking for Bradshaw?
Not that I'm aware of. Let me check.
OK, thanks.
- Can I bring you some champagne now? - No, not yet.
Good. Great. Excellent.
25! Fuck, I'm old!
Sorry for holding the table. I can't imagine where everybody is.
- There's only one ll Cantinori, right? - Yes.
The woman with the birthday cake is here
and she needs to be paid.
I'll just get my purse.
After I paid $70 for my own birthday cake,
I was totally out of the party mood
so I decided to go home and kill myself.
What are you doing? Look where you're standing!
Get the hell off there! No, the other way!
The other way, for Christ's sake!
For crying out loud! Shit!
- I'm sorry. - Marilyn Monroe, get off the road!
I'm sorry!
Shit! I'm sorry!
By the time I got home, I had fallen into an emotional hole so deep
only a fireman without a collarbone could rescue me.
You have 14 messages.
I'm trapped at work, I'll be ten minutes late. See you soon.
Carrie, I'm in traffic. They're paving Fifth Avenue!
Don't wait for me, happy birthday!
I'm stuck in traffic, I can't spell ll Cantinori for the idiot at 411, get a cell phone.
Carrie, it's Stanford. I'm at the wrong place.
Did you know there's a Mexican restaurant called El Cantinoro?
I'm here. They said you left.
Where are you? We're still here.
We're coming uptown to meet you at the coffee shop.
- 20 minutes. - End of messages.
It's just me! It's just me, Charlotte!
I just aged 35 more years.
- What are you doing here? - I'm taking you to the coffee shop.
No, I'm going to bed. I am not in the mood to be with people.
You have to come. It's your birthday.
I am aware of that!
The longer I sat at the table, the more alone I felt.
It really hit me: I am 35 and alone.
- You are not alone. - No, I know I have you guys.
I hate myself for saying this, but...
...it felt really sad
not to have a man in my life who cares about me.
No special guy to wish me happy birthday.
No goddamn soul mate.
I don't even know if I believe in soul mates.
Don't laugh at me, but maybe we could be each other's soul mates.
Then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.
That sounds like a plan.
- I'm 35. 35 is not 25. - Thank God!
I'm 35!
Shut the fuck up. I'm 140.
Happy birthday, baby.
Get in.
- It's after 12. You're late. - Not really. I'm on London time.
- London is five hours ahead. - In that case, I'm really late.
I can't believe you actually got out of the car and got balloons.
I didn't. Raoul did. Good man.
So...
- How old are you? - How old are you?
You don't have to give me an exact number.
Pick a box. 30 to 35?
35 to 40? 40 to 45?
Really? 40 to 45.
I don't know what you mean. I had something in my eye.
How do you feel about soul mates?
Well, I like the word "soul".
I like the word "mate". Other than that, you got me.
- Did you have a nice day? - I had a fabulous day.
Good for you.
As Big's car drove away,
I realised having three soul mates already nailed down
made it a lot easier to spot those great, nice guys to have fun with.
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